ohgoodheavensidon’tknowanything

Today was a bit of a crazy day, and by the end of it I realised once more that I did not know a damned thing!

First off was a lecture about how to interpret and fix dodgy blood results (man I hate renal failure but I hate dodgy LFTs more and oh my word I’m on GI for some of my first block I am so screwed), then we had a lecture from two of the FY2s on what it’s like starting work – one of them was a graduate of my uni, one was a graduate of the place where I’m going to work. The former was fairly positive and talked a lot about careers and stuff, the latter was less positive and said when she started work she had shadowed for 5 DAYS (compared with our 2 months) and so wasn’t very organised for the first few weeks (oh hell, am I going to be expected to be really organised?!), and she basically scared the crap out of us – she apparently stayed till 10pm on every shift for a month and didn’t know how to do anything. Ooooooooh goody now I can’t wait to start!

Then came a lecture on perioperative management, which wasn’t that bad actually, but it was in the afternoon that it all got hairy!

We had a scenario exercise where we rotated round 3 stations in groups and were taught on various aspects of acute management by some anaesthetists. The first room was fine, nothing we couldn’t handle, just use of GCS and things.

The second station was to do with management of respiratory problems – basically A and B of the ABC thing. Stupidly, I volunteered for the first scenario, and MAN WAS I CRAP. I managed to get an airway and find a suitable sized Guedel, but couldn’t explain how I sized it (knew it was something to do with the jaw and the chin/teeth but couldn’t explain exactly, oh dear) and then put the patient on 100% non-rebreather (yes, he was breathing, I’m not a total dope) despite the fact that he had a past history of COPD (yes, that was correct too) but then when I auscultated I was told the patient had really crap air entry. By this time I was starting to freak a bit under the scrutiny of this here anaesthetist, and apparently my Reg was still 5 minutes away and my patient was going down the tubes, and the crash team anaesthetist was also 5 mins away so it was still down to me. I was faffing about trying to think of what to do while burbling something about getting lines in, and she was going, ‘are you happy with breathing?’ and I (having not seen the bag and mask lying on the side) was thinking, oh hell, what can I do now other than intubate which wouldn’t help because the problem wasn’t with the airway but with the lungs, but eventually found the bag and had my ‘nurse’ bag the patient. This helped a bit and got a nod from the anaesthetist so I could move onto circulation – oh dear, shocked patient, shut down, 2 large bore venflons, bloods off for FBC U&E clotting cultures and various other things, then fluids (‘what?’ – 0.9% saline, ‘how much?’ – 1 litre) then oh thank goodness my Reg arrived and I was saved and could take my seat again in shame for my poor performance!

The next station was even worse – in fairness to us, it’s really hard to run a peri-arrest with a dummy because they don’t do anything and we never know whether we are supposed to just get on and do stuff or wait for the supervisor to tell us the clinical situation. Anyhoo, we started off and I have to say we were a bit crap! Because we haven’t had any CPR training since the new guidelines came in, we are still a bit rubbish at them, so we were a bit unsure and a bit slow, and basically pretty scared!

Question time saw one of my stupidest questions to date: ‘if you charge the paddles to 360 and you don’t need the shock after all how do you get rid of the charge?’ – it turns out that you can just turn it down, but to do that you need several hands, and so I dug myself further into the hole and said, ‘can you not just discharge them?’ – OH WHAT A DUNCE apparently this is a sure-fire way to kill random people in the room! In my defence I had remembered that you could discharge the paddles at some point but couldn’t remember if it was a good thing or a bad thing to put the paddles back on the machine beforehand (good!), and although it was a stupid question we were all thinking it and it was just me (as ever) who voiced it!

Anyway the anaesthetist was really nice about it and said it was fine to ask dumb questions because when else could we ask, but I still felt like a pillock.

RIGHT I’m not even going to read this post because I have just proverbially spewed it out in a big panic, so I will just post it and stuff the poor grammar and layout!

The main message is, I am terrified again, I don’t know anything and I am going to SUCK. But I will try soooooooo hard and dammit I will get there in the end.

Repeat ad nauseum until you believe it!!

State of annoyance

In a fit of mental agility, my flatmate, her boyfriend and I decided to play the States Game (you know, the one where you have to name all of the states).

We got off to a bad start when we couldn’t agree on whether there are 50 states or 52.

I think we did quite well for non-Americans. We got 48, but we realised that we’d made up 3 of them, so in actual fact we got 45. Apparently Arkansas and Arkansaw are the same place, there is no state of Chiboigan (I think it’s a city), nor is there a state of Milwalkee or East Virginia (which is really stupid, because if there’s a West Virginia and a Virginia then SURELY there should be an East one too).

The ones we missed were Oregon, Maine, Nevada, Louisiana, Vermont, Wyoming and Utah.

I was cross about the Vermont one because it’s the place that Diane Keaton runs off to in Baby Boom. We were all cross about Utah because it’s massive and it’s where the Mormons live. We were cross about Louisiana because of the many songs.

We agreed it would have been unlikely that we would have got Wyoming. And the boyfriend was upset that he didn’t get Maine.

But otherwise, we thought we did pretty well.

Then we looked at state capitals…woah, bad idea! The capital of New York State is not, as one may think, New York City – it’s Albany. The capital of California is not Loa Angeles or Hollywood, but in fact Sacramento. The capital of Florida is Tallahassee (come on! Is that even a word?!). And the one that bugged me most, the capital of Illinois is not Chicago, noooooooo, it’s Springfield. Honestly!

So we were all a bit annoyed about that and figured that unless we were planning to become American (no chance, too much of a faff to get a green card and we kind of like our wee island I think) then it wouldn’t really make a great deal of difference to our lives if we didn’t know the state capitals.

I’m sure American people will think we are stupid, but hey, if Ross Geller can’t get them all then how are we expected to?!?!?!

Frazzle

Today has been an annoying day – or rather I have been annoyed by a lot of things, often very irrationally. Some things were not even worth mentioning, like my darling flatmate using all the milk so I didn’t get any breakfast (I know I could have eaten something else, but I didn’t have any bread!), and like waiting in a queue for ages for some free stuff from the BMA only to be told to go into the lecture theatre as the lecture was starting when I was 2 people from the front!

There were a few other things that really got me angry, but I don’t want to mention them here really, they were just to do with attitudes, but it’s not important and I’m positive I was more annoyed about them than I should have been!

It was a beautiful sunny day here, I went to lectures in the morning (which were very useful, we heard what our salary is going to be and I got dollar signs in my eyes!) and then had a gap in the afternoon before the Yearbook launch at 5pm, so I went round to visit some friends who live close to the hospital and sat in their garden – they are the only friends I have who have a garden, it’s a luxury! Anyway, I sat and read in the sunshine for about 2 hours, it was very pleasant. Until I got inside and got my red vision back (you know how when you’ve been in the sun a long time you see everything bluey?!), and I looked at my shoulders and thought, oh dear, I look like a LOBSTER!!! 2 measley hours in the sun and I’m burnt to a crisp! Seriously, when I got home from the yearbook launch I had a shower (one of my friends said she heard if you have a hot shower it draws the heat out, I thought anything was worth a try but it doesn’t work folks) then had to wander about in my bra for ages while the inch-thick layer of aftersun I smeared all over my shoulders dried in

I’m an idiot, I KNOW that I burn easily, but here?! It’s crazy. So I’m generating my own heat at the moment, and feeling sorry for myself – there are one or two patches that look like they might blister, so hopefully that won’t happen, but I’ll be an interesting shade of crimson for several days I think.

May as well make use of my thermogenic abilities…bacon, anyone?

Sunshine and showers

Today was lovely and sunny, but the previous two days it rained constantly! It was crazy, I mean, it’s not unusual to have rain but it’s pretty unusual to have solid rain for two days. Where I grew up we had what we used to call the ‘5 o’clock sun’ – basically no matter how crap the weather was, the sun came out sometime in the evening. Admittedly sometimes it wasn’t at 5pm, sometimes later, but still.

And there’s a phrase where I live – ‘if you don’t like the weather, wait half an hour’!!

Have been going to lectures this week – I know, I know, have the exams then the lectures, very weird, but still. Most of them are useful, although I wasn’t expecting them to be! Stuff like how to prescribe things, how to hand over well at the end of a shift, and tomorrow we’re getting talks about how to handle stress, medicolegal issues and stuff from the BMA.

Today, it was a friend’s birthday – she started the day in lectures with the rest of us, then managed to win a prize draw for £150 to spend in a shop of her choice! What a cool birthday present! We went out for lunch, me and another friend with nine Malaysians – I feel like a giant next to them, it’s disturbing! But they are lovely, so all is well.

So not a lot to report – I’m trying to pack up my room in preparation for moving to Big City near to Big City Infirmary in a couple of weeks. It’s pretty therapeutic chucking stuff out! The grad ball (or more accurately, the grad ball 3 day extravaganza) is next weekend, I still need an outfit that looks vaguely seventies, any ideas?!

It’s nice here on the other side

So, today, ladies and gentlemen, I became a DOCTOR. Yes, me. Yes, a doctor. Who’da thunk it?! I have a badge that says so and everything. The results for the final viva exemption exam went up, and I was on the pass list.

I’m pretty sure there’s been a mistake, but I’m gonna keep quiet about it. Shhhh, don’t tell. I’m still waiting for the letter saying I was admitted to medical school because of a clerical error.

I’m pretty chuffed, when I really think about it, but honestly it’s a bit of an anti-climax. It’s like, when you’re a kid, and it’s your birthday, you feel like you should feel different, sparkly or tingly or something, but actually it just feels like another day (except people give you presents and cake and things). Also a couple of my good friends didn’t get so lucky and I’m so gutted for them I could cry. I don’t feel like celebrating if I can’t celebrate with them, there’s no point.

Tonight I’m not going to stay in, don’t worry, but I’m going to have some Chinese food, wine and a movie with two of my best friends – I started this epic six-year journey with them and it feels right that we should end it together too. There will be much remeniscing, much chat and probably some old photos where some of us look skinny and young (ah, those were the days) and one of us always seems to have coloured icing on his face. What krazy kids we were.

So yeah. Dr Joey. Freaky.

Will you still need me, will you still feed me?

Well, I still have exactly 40 years to find out, so for now I will feed myself! Thanks for all the messages people, I felt loved.

Have had a really good day, I talked to my family, I went out for lunch with a friend, I offered my *limited* medical skills to a lady who got vasovagal in the bathroom at the cafe and knocked herself out on the sink (I know, I know, can’t take me anywhere or I’ll try and do something medical), saw another friend who came round in the afternoon, talked to my family again, and now I’m faffing about. Brilliant.

The exam is tomorrow, I’m not studying any more. I’ve read everything I wanted to read, I’ve been over every angle I can see the examiners picking up on yet I’m sure they will ask something I haven’t read about. I’ve heard mixed reports – some people have had a bit of a grilling, some have had more of a chat, I think it all depends on your examiners and your perspective and expectations, and I’m sure the experience alters with hindsight.

This time tomorrow it will all be over, I can’t wait for that moment! And 36 hours from now I will know, one way or the other. Wish me luck, I’ll see you on the other side!

Fun in the Sun

Been an alright couple of days, I finally managed to do an eensy bit of work, although still not much. Today though I took a break and went to a beach and forest close to my uni city – it was our church summer barbecue, always held in May before all the students disappear. Here are some pictures.

It was really nice to run about in the sun for a while and play rounders, chuck a ball around and enjoy the sun for a bit. Am now back home, going to do a little work, then we have some friends coming over for a take-away dinner.

This is the last week of study, so I’m really going to try and get my head down. It’s my birthday on wednesday (gosh I am so old, I found a white hair the other day and was really upset!) so I’ll go out for lunch then, and then my viva exam is on thursday. So after that, I’m free! I hope…

Friends in scary places

Today I had lunch with a good friend who is a medical student in Big Scary Teaching Hospital where I’m starting work in August. It was lovely to see him, although he got stuck in a tutorial so I was wandering about for a while feeling lost and panicking that there were two ‘main entrances’ and thoroughly regretting my decision to move and wishing I’d chosen to stay in Uni Teaching Hospital where I know my way around and who to be scared of and where things are and I recognise people and feel like I belong!

What a wimp. I’m sure I’ll get used to it quickly, and it’s not the most complicated hospital because although it is massive it is pretty new, so it was built in a sensible way and doesn’t have random extra wings tacked on like Uni Hospital. Also it has a lot of artwork on the walls which is good for navigational purposes (oh, look, here’s the big wooden thing, I must be near radiology…….of course this bites the dust if they ever move the art around…). I’m getting more scared by the day, it’s all going to be new and they have different blood bottles and a different bleep system and I don’t know anybody, but thankfully if there’s an arrest the number is the same!

Anyway it was great to see my friend, who is currently my only friend in a big, alien, rumoured-to-be-not-that-friendly hospital, and I appreciate that and him so much! He’s even offered to come and do some bloods for me because they don’t get much chance at his med school. What a sweetheart.

Back at uni now, after picking up the car and driving back (and feeling quite sleepy – had the occasional moment where I thought, ‘oh, I can’t see’ and realised in a truly petrifying manner that my eyes were CLOSED and that’s why I couldn’t see! Cue opening windows and turning up music! DO NOT tell my mother about that bit!). Feeling actually like I’d like to do some work tonight, which is awesome, must capitalise on motivation while I can!

Home on the range

I write this from home, where I shall shortly move permanently, on the very snazzy iMac which currently graces the study desk. It’s a beaut, but at the moment, since the study has become Editing Suite Extraordinaire while my brother is working on stuff for the band, there is the iMac screen, then another screen, then a tv all on the desk, so I feel a bit overwhelmed by technology! The weirdest thing is that I click on the safari icon on one screen and the window opens on another screen, and the mouse cursor moves between the two. Clever.

It’s nice to be back, although I may feel the need to clean things in a while – my brother’s flatmate is fastidious about his personal appearance but doesn’t lift a finger otherwise, and consequently I am baulking a bit about having to clean my contact lenses in a bathroom where you can no longer tell what colour the tiles are! This current flatmate is moving out in the summer and a different guy, who just so happens to be the drummer in the band and a bit of a neat freak (hallelujah!) is moving in, so all will be well when I live here!

It’s always nice to see my brother Stephen, and always interesting to see what he looks like – he changes something every couple of weeks! I understand that he has to be on trend for the type of music they play, but I still find it very entertaining that he knows more about hair than I do! He’s starting to get recognised now – we went to pick up a copy of a music magazine in which there is a very glowing review of the band, and some girl gave him her email address, which was weird but good!

Anyway, I like to have the chance to catch up on band developments, fashion changes and things when I’m home, but on this particular occasion he had a slightly disturbing tale to tell…

(You should know, my brother is not ugly. In the slightest. He has never even seen the ugly tree, whereas I clipped a few branches on the way down…it’s ok, I’m fine with it, I got the brains, he got the braun!)

Part time, Stephen works late shifts in a busy bar/club in town in order to fund his developing rock-and-roll lifestyle (!!). Mostly these shifts go off without a hitch, but recently, he was working on a pretty quiet bar, mainly serving two American men. He wasn’t alone, there was another female staff member, who was chatting to the men too.

As the night progressed, they chatted to these two guys while serving other people. Then one of the guys calls my brother over to a quiet corner of the bar and beckons him to listen:

GUY: So what time do you get off work?
STEPHEN: 4am. Why?
G: Want to make some money?
[I have sussed what's going on already - naive brother has no idea]
S: Sure, doing what?
G: You know where the ****** hotel is?
S: Yeah…(getting suspicious)
G: Well, you could meet me there.
S: But why?
G: We could, you know, fool around and stuff.
S: (horrified) NO WAY!!!!!!
G: Oh, ok, how about for £100?
S: NO WAY!!!
G: Ok, is that not enough? How about £200?
S: No, I don’t think you understand me, I said NO WAY!!
G: Oh, sorry, £300?
S: (growing more horrified by the second) What part of NO WAY do you not understand?!
G: Oh, right, ok.

[Guy exits, Stephen relays the story, traumatised, to his colleague. Shift forwards a few hours, the men are about to leave...]

Guy: How about £400?
S: (verging on GBH) NOOOOOOO WWWAAAAAAYYYYYY!!

…man, I was so horrified! If I’d been in the bar I would have said (after I had knocked the guy senseless for hitting on my straight-as-an-arrow brother, oh my word) that solicitation is illegal in this country and I’d take his £400 as payment for not shopping him to the fuzz!

My word! Once I’d got over the horror, it was actually pretty funny, but what was even funnier was the look on Stephen’s face as he was saying, ‘but I was just being nice, why do people not understand that I’m just being nice?!’

So that was the main shocker of the day, but also the main hilarity! Poor kid, apparently it’s not the first time he’s been hit on by a guy and not had a clue what’s going on, it seems that it’s not possible to look individual and still convince people that you don’t paddle the kayak that way!

Back to uni tomorrow, final stretch…must…study…must….learn……useful………things……………

Wish me luck!

Change of heart?

Had a good day yesterday, despite not doing any work whatsoever! (Unless watching ER counts…) Went with my lovely friend to Local Posh Area where there is a beach and lots of nice shops and cafes to wander around. We had some lunch, talked about medicine a bit, which might be thought of as work, wandered around the shops, went for a walk on the beach and generally enjoyed the sunshine (yes, the sun was shining!). Enjoyed it, was a great way to not-work. I figure if you are going to skive, you should do something fun with your day!

Today has got off to a similar start, but I am DETERMINED to do something this afternoon! Perhaps I should change my working remit though? If I think, ‘I am working for the portfolio exam’ then I tend not to do anything useful and just get cross about it instead, but perhaps if I think ‘I am working because I start work in 8 weeks and people will die if I don’t know stuff’ then I will feel The Fear which is a very good motivator! I know that this thought is something of a hyperbole, I would hope that if I don’t know something then someone else more senior will come and help me, but that rather detracts from The Fear, which as mentioned I need in order to work!

My parents called the other day and told me about their summer plans – it gets VERY hot in their part of the world during the summer, so they are planning to be ’swallows’ and fly back west where it’s cooler for a bit! (Oh, and they also might be coming for that graduation thingy that I have to go to!) Anyway, they are coming back at the start of July for a couple of weeks, then my dad has to go back out and hold the fort for a while, but my mum is staying for 2 MONTHS!!!!!!!!!! I am SO EXCITED!!!! Man, I miss them LOADS and it will be so awesome to have them back, and to have my mum for so long is brilliant. She wanted to be here for when I start work, and is staying till the end of August so will achieve that! My dad’s coming back for a couple of weeks at the end of August so they’ll go back together. So much looking forward to some good parent time, they’ve been away over a year now but so far I’ve been able to see them a fair bit – on the way to my elective last summer, then for a while on the way back, then a few other wee trips too.

I am also hoping that my dad will help me buy a car (hopefully this one) while he’s home – I currently ’share’ a massive Nissan almera with my brother (by this I mean he has it most of the time and I occasionally get a look-in) but I really need my own, and I don’t want to buy my first car without my dad (yeah, I know, ‘but Jo you’re an adult grow up etc etc’) and also I need help with finances until September when the cash starts rolling in!

Right, enough spraffing, really must go and learn useful things now, like when to call the procurator fiscal, which I have no idea about!